Remodeling
Just as we may need to remodel to get more space in our structural home as the family grows, we also need to remodel our
dream home. As individuals, it is easy to get wall(s) built around us. It may be there from hurtful things said and done
or perhaps just he/she did not meet my expectations. Whatever the reason, the wall(s) are built brick by brick and over
time. Walls affect our communication with our spouse. Just as you cannot clearly hear into the other room of your
structural home, we can not clearly hear the other person when there is an invisible wall between us.
Thus, there will
be times we have to remodel in order to keep our dream home fit to live in.
In order to tear a wall down, we
must first recognize it and admit it. Then begin discussing it openly with your spouse. But be
careful at this step, your spouse has been standing on the other side of the wall maybe for years, thus he/she may
not be totally open to receive communication. But don't despair. Throughout this entire remodeling process, seek
the Lord, asking Him to give you the power to knock the wall down. Also, pray that the Lord will open your mate's
heart to the remodeling. God helped Joshua and the Israelites knock the wall of
To prevent future walls from coming up, be sure to continue to seek the Lord for strength
to be obedient to Him and His Word. First, we are to clear the air every day. "Be angry and yet do not sin; do
not let the sun go down on your anger and do not give the devil an opportunity. (Eph.4:26-27). As we continue reading
in chapter four of Ephesians, we are instructed to not let any unwholesome word come from our mouths, to edify with
our mouths, to be kind to one another, to be tender-hearted, and forgiving. Oh, if we would only practice these things daily,
the bricks would not have a chance to form a wall! Secondly, have more Level 4 and Level 5 conversations.
Level 4 is "Let me tell you how I feel". Here we share our emotions and gut-level feelings hopefully in a healthy manner.
Then, Level 5 is "Let's be honest". This is the apex of communication. Here we speak the truth in love. We
are honest but not condemning, open but not demanding. We are each free to think and feel differently, while trying to understand
why the other feels and thinks the way he/she does. At the same time we are looking for ways to grow together. Third,
be sure to use "I" statements when you are have a "discussion". In other words say "I feel...". Also,
give feedback to your spouse in the discussions such as "I hear you saying...". This can clear up thinks before they
get out of proportion. You may have just heard or perhaps (esp. us ladies) read something between the lines that was never intended.
I hope you have enjoyed this series and have taken home a doggie bag full of goodies every week to help you stay on track in building your dream home-an everlasting marriage.